I'd Really Like To Know.
You know those days (or weeks, or months) when...
...you can't find the right thing to say in any situation, and it all just keeps coming out wrong?
...your mind straps you down and subjects you to a barrage of the stupid things you've said and done over the years?
...you feel absolutely certain that your friends and loved ones will figure out that you aren't really very smart or interesting?
...you generally suck?
What do you do when you have one of those days (/weeks/months)?
posted by Mandy @ 7:06 p.m.
24 Comments:
1. breathe deep. and slow. repeat.
2. knit - zombie style, with trashy tv show of choice
3. eat chocolate - darker is better.
4. therapy
5. long hot baths with gorgeously smelly oils
6. clean comfy clothes, fresh sheets, hot water bottle. and fresh flowers.
7. eat your veggies & be open to sleep.
8. hang out with your cat. their purring is healing.
9. get a massage from trusted professional.
10. cry. then take a break, see a movie.
11. plant bulbs like daffodils, tulips, & crocuses. they are about hope.
12. avoid icky people at all costs.
13. make art with your eyes closed. rage, fear, sadness, the canvas can take it all.
14. talk to your trusted inner circle. about anything. connect.
15. go for walks. with beautiful music.
16. breathe deep. and slow. repeat.
be kind to yourself. create space, safety, and comfort.
[it looks different for everyone.]
a visit to the shit pit won't last forever.
it truly, really, won't.
hang in there.
~jt
When I have those weeks, I write to you. Or call you. And you make me feel better.
Grab some warm friendly dogs, some yarn, a trashy movie like "9 1/2 Weeks" or "Dirty Dancing", cheetos and ice cream. Do not answer the phone no matter who it is. By the time the movie ends I'm able to be absorbed in the knitting or ready to take a bath and rejoin the human race.
Or not, sometimes.
First of all, I almost blew coffee out my nose when I read your entry - YOU having such a week? You do realise you're a hero of mine? Heros never suck! Then I realised you're my hero because you're human, and a very real specimen of humanity. (And because you rock)So maybe you do have crappy weeks sometimes, though you shouldn't. So all I can say is - When you have a week like that - tell it on your blog and the world will come together praising the wonder that is you in the comments section. ;) I love you!
1. Call my long time friends like you!
2. Eat :) At the moment I have the luxury of Cadbury's Dairy Milk from the UK my all time comfort food.
3. Watch movies.
4. Cry and cry until I can't cry anymore.
5. Shopping; being lost in the crowds is sometimes comforting.
6. Read blogs and realize there's a world out there that is full of ups and downs.
7. Cook something especially food that other people can enjoy with you. A reason to have some limelight, he he he, it's my little trick.
8. Read some heavy feminist papers or other issues that I have to devote my complete attention to along with a glass of wine…hhmm I wish I could right now.
9. Make art, I sometimes forget how good it makes me feel and how much more relaxed I am, it’s my yoga!
10. Sex!!! ;P ooh la la
Anyhoo, we all have these moments, we all need to really, its what makes us special! Mandy I wish am there to give you a hug as well as drag you out for some balsamic vinegar ice cream however I can’t but I can tell you this ~ love you :)
the 16 points that 'anon. jt' said are right on the money.
time for some self care!!!!
I usually tell myself it's just imposter syndrome and that I'll be happier if I snap out of it. It doesn't make me stop feeling like I suck, but it does make me acknowledge that the feeling's not rational. Then I try to accomplish small tasks that make me feel competent. Like unloading the dishwasher. The reading blogs suggestion is good too.
You are really very smart and interesting and you don't generally suck. I'm still thinking about going to Fright Night at the PNE and if we go maybe that will scare it out of you!
Please tell that terrible inner voice of yours to "shut up!" You're a wonderful person, very smart, and definately interesting.
when i feel i suck, i can't do the self-pampering stuff because i feel i don't deserve it - because, hey, i suck! the thing that works for me is to try to ignore the inner voice, tell myself that this too shall pass, because like christina in the comments said, i know it's not rational. and it passes. feel better!
I remember when somebody I thought was really together told me that everybody feels like a fraud sometimes. I knit. I wallow a bit. I figure out something to look forward to. I have a bath. I rub my kitty's tummy. I make sure I'm wearing handknit socks.
Like Christina said, housework. Wow is my place ever tidy right now. There's so many good ideas already listed here, some of my other favourites are;
- long baths
- walking
- reading
- doing creative work
- cleaning stuff that normally doesn't get cleaned (you decide what that could be)
- getting on a random bus and taking it wherever it takes you. Repeat until you are so totally lost that getting home becomes your concern or you feel better. Or maybe you'll end up in some little community centre that you've never been to clutching some pamphlet as if Jesus appeared from nowhere and handed it to you himself.
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Sadly I just keep talking and talking until everyone walks away with really puzzled looks on their faces. Ahh but some of you still hang around - I must be amusing to watch
I love you no matter what.
By the way, I disagree with telling your inner voice to shut up. I think that just makes it angry. I say, "Thank you for the information", and give that gremlin a hug. Then, move on.
let me know when you find out.
I curl up with a terrible book that I've read a million times since Jr Hight that somehow takes me away from it all. Then I fall asleep for a few hours, wake up, realize that I'm going to feel better tomorrow, call a long lost friend... or at least one in a foreign country... then go back to sleep. Other days I go fishing, climbing, dog walking, or something outside... this helps flush the bad air out while recharging the good. Then if you have a year like my past two you take a pill and after a few days of this realize that you are suddenly feeling better. You still have your bad days, but they're just that: days..... not weeks or months.
Mandy,
Amazingly enough I had a conversation with a friend about this very same thing today. She said that she's trying to stop worrying about things she's said in the past (that she can't change) or things that might happen (but probably won't) in the future. She's just trying to live right NOW.
I do this all the time as well - and have come to realize that everyone who matters forgives me for "sucking". Or, if they are Angie, they harrass you about it until you're laughing too.
Hope you're feeling better now.
I really don't know as I'm kind of there myself. I find making changes helps, but I wonder if I'm running away...working throuh a to do list is taxingly triumphant, altough these days it seems as if they're a mile long an I get an inch done a day.
Why have I not seen all these posts you've been doing? It's like you dropped off my bloglines. Weird technology.
I love you too!
Crap, is that the right 'too'? Maybe it's 'to'. See? We all have moments.
the thing is, you know none of this is real, right? that you dont really suck, you arent really stupid, you havent said the worst thing ever. Everything is overblown. I find it good to recognise that. I dont hate myself for being incorrect about reality, it wont help.
I love your creativity. Look at almost any artist you've loved and you will find this struggle against this curse that coincides with creativity.
My mother always said it was a curse that came to creatives. But I think it may be the other way around. I think its possible most of us creatives may develop that positivity and constructive expression as a response to depression - using our whole being developing brilliant ways to feel better despite a black cloud overhead.
I have found that it helps me to recognise that it's depression. And that this is an illness that kills people. Lots of people, every year. It helps me to take it seriously, take myself seriously, to stop feeling crappy about feeling crappy! To stop having damaging interior conversations like like "I have no right to be miserable"...which is a retarded argument against myself because its not as though thats a right I would *want*.
Seriously, its very hard to just power your way through depression. At the end of the day, no matter how positive you try to think, its not something you can will yourself out of. At least, the last few thousand years of recorded history have shown millions of people trying..which goes with my theory that this is our instinctive response. Unfortunately its usually progressive. Check out the noonday monster, book by a guy who got depressed and then looked for solutions. he found some, nothing defintive for all people, but something for everyone.
My solution is I take relatively side-effect free drugs for a long time. I feel better. it took a long time to get to feeling better. I took a long time to find the drugs that did work for me ( lotsa false starts, things that made me worse, etc ) but eventually, I found em and then I was set. Kinda. i still have bummer days, I still get depressed. Every year though, it gets less, not more, which is a reversal of my life pre medication. So, y'know, it works for me.
Drugs or no, either way I wish you well. You seem fabulous to me. You deserve better.
the thing is, you know none of this is real, right? that you dont really suck, you arent really stupid, you havent said the worst thing ever. Everything is overblown. recognise that. Dont hate yourself for being ncorrect about reality, it wont help.
I jhave found that it helps to recognise that it's clinical depression. What i do is I take relatively side-effect free drugs for a long time. feel better. I took a long time to find the drugs that did work for me ( lotsa false starts, things that made me worse, etc ) but eventually, I found em and then I was set.
Seriously, its very hard to just power your way through depression. At the end of the day, no matter how positive you try to think, its not something you can will yourself out of. At least, the last few thousand years of recorded history have shown millions of people trying with few successes.
Look at almost any artist you've loved and you will find this struggle against the curse that comes with creativity. When i accept the gift and avoid the curse, I will have outwitted Nature. Whoohoo!
There is so much love and fabulous advice here - I'd like to copy and paste the first one on a poster and tack it to my wall.
I have many days/weeks/months like this. You are a fabulous creative person with many people who love you. Feel the love, let the blues melt off you. . . take it from a first rate dork/clown, it gets better.
HUGS!
find a willing cat and play with it for hours with some of my yarn stash. then turn on music i can't help but sing along to and knit with said yarn stash. it doesnt matter what you knit, just something. last week i made a peter heater for gods sake and i really dont need one of those!
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